Some of you may remember three little numbers that you would dial for local directory assistance. 411. If you didn’t know the phone number of a person or place of business and didn’t have white pages handy for people numbers or yellow pages for business numbers or were just too lazy to get up and go get those books or didn’t remember where you had put them, you would just pick up your phone that was connected by a wire that disappeared into the wall of your house and dial 411 and before you knew it, you would be talking to an actual human being whose job was to assist you, first by asking what city the person or business was in, then magically accessing and reciting the number you asked for and then, hang on, hang on, and in most cases, they would actually ask you if you wanted to be connected right in that moment, “shall I connect you?” and most of the time, you would just say “Ummm, okay” and the line would then immediately start ringing, which always made your heart leap a little because everything was happening so fast, and then, before someone answered that ringing line, the directory assistance operator, who was still somehow mysteriously on the same line would say over the ringing, “Thank you” and be gone, clicking off just in the nick of time. One small detail I forgot to mention, is that sometimes…you would even hear other directory assistance operators in the background, helping other people, while your operator was helping you, because I guess they all were working in one big room together in a giant building somewhere. It was nuts.
For short, 411 was known simply as “Information.” “I don’t know” people would say. “How would I know? Call Information” So, when I was growing up, I had no experience with directory assistance, but I had heard a number of times adults say that 411 was the number you called for information.
I was 8 years old, it was a school night, and I was home alone like most third graders. My father was moonlighting until roughly dawn and my mother was with my two sisters somewhere, most likely on a bus headed home from shopping for frozen foods. I remember it was dark outside and there were very few lights on in our new tract home which didn’t have very much furniture, as in almost none, which is another story, but it did have appliances. We had a refrigerator and we had a washer and dryer in the laundry room next to the garage.
Because I was 8 and alone in a house at night, I guess I needed something to take the edge off, and for some reason, my young mind landed on laundry. I wanted to do the laundry, but I didn’t know how. I had never done laundry before. I knew where the hamper was at the end of the hallway and I knew that I had to put those dirty clothes in our gold-colored cylindrical laundry basket, I’d seen my mom do that and then take them to the washing machine? I guess? But that’s about as far as it got. I didn’t know what to do after that. I needed help…I needed information. So, I dialed 411.
“Directory Assistance? What city please” the woman said.
“Ummm, Mission Viejo?” I said
“How may I assist you?”
“Is this information?” I asked
“Yes, this is information. How may I assist you?”
“I don’t know how to wash clothes.” I said “Can you help me?”
I don’t remember exactly, but there certainly must have been a pause on the line here, don’t you think? Where I’m sure I could hear the other operators in the background, helping other children who were home by themselves.
“This is Directory Assistance” she said “This line is only for phone numbers, honey. Are you home alone right now?”
“Yes. Can you teach me how to wash clothes?” I asked again.
I’m sure there must have been some waving to a supervisor, some covering of the mouthpiece or because it was 1970, at least the lighting of a Salem Menthol at this point.
All I know, is that I certainly called the right information operator that night, because she told me to go get the laundry, bring it back to the phone and start sorting it by dark colors and light colors and she would stay on the line with me. Which I did. She then told me we were going to wash the dark colors first and that I needed to go and look at the washing machine, which was the one with the door on the top, and to tell her what the dial on the machine looked like and what it said. I had to stand on one of our very few pieces of furniture, a kitchen chair, to see all of this, which I did. I ran back to the phone and told her what I saw and she told me to go back, throw in the clothes, pour in some powdered detergent, either pull up or push in the dial and turn it to a place on the circle called Regular and close the lid. And as if this wasn’t enough while the machine started filling with water, she talked me through the dryer too. That’s the one with door in front.
I wasn’t sure the Information Lady would still be there every time I ran back to the receiver, but she was there every time. She assured me that I was now doing laundry and to do the same with the light colors that I did with the dark, and if I remembered what she told me about the dryer, everything was going to turn out fine, and then she said goodnight. Goodnight, Information Lady.
It was kind of different then.
411